Deconstruction- A method of critical analysis of philosophical and literary language which emphasizes the internal workings of language and conceptual systems, the relational quality of meaning, and the assumptions implicit in forms of expressions.

-Dictionary

Perhaps you are like me.

Is there a gnawing sense that you got it all wrong? That you can’t quite place your finger on what you got wrong, but you know it isn’t working? That everyone else seems happier, more content?

Or maybe you feel that anger is a constant companion. That you are one irritating comment from completely losing your cool.

Maybe you just feel sad, and don’t know why.

Maybe you feel nothing at all. You do life as you are supposed to, but nothing makes you overly happy or overly sad. You just… plod on?

Is there something more? Something better?

That’s what I am trying to find out. Won’t you come with me on this journey? It could be enlightening. It could end in a glorious plume of fire as I steer this plane right into the side of the mountain. Either way, it promises to be entertaining.

For me, and I believe (on some level), for everyone, it starts with God. What you think about this creator (or whether you think it is all random) will dictate how you perceive life.

The lens you view life through will become how you experience life. If you see the world as a scary place, you will notice the danger all around. If you see the world as loving, you will notice the kindness of strangers. I suspect most of us are somewhere in between the two extremes.

As you experience life through these perceptions, your beliefs are formed. Beliefs affect your actions and your actions affect how people perceive you, which starts the cycle all over again.

That is a simplified version, and I may have gotten it out of order for some of you, but the point is this: it’s all interconnected. What you think about God, good or bad, has the capacity to affect everything!

And if I’m honest, I do not think highly of God. It took me a long time to admit that. The God I grew up with was demanding and overbearing. He was big and scary. 

If I am brutally honest, he was a bit of an a-hole!

But…

I have seen many people throw up their hands and say, “Forget it! I’m out”

So I think I am not alone in this. I have often felt crazy for thinking this way; so many people are so confident. Is it just me? I don’t think so.

Somewhere down deep, in my soul, I feel there is more to it. Whatever it is.

I could have easily given up on God, knowing I could never please him. I could have turned my back on him, angry at a God who seemed far from loving.

But…

Something keeps calling to me from the deep.

Maybe my perceptions were off.

Maybe my god was not right.

Maybe, perhaps, I need a little deconstruction.

(Does that lead to faith, or does faith lead to deconstruction? (let’s find out))